Whatever & Ever...

So I attended church for the first time in four months today. Maybe that's not quite accurate. I mean, I visit this church every Sunday. But today I guess was the first traditional church service I've attended since January.
At any rate, I knew this would be a change, that it would be a difficult thing to get through, this reintroduction to the traditional, normal worship service. Because I don't attend my parents' church on a regular basis, this makes the transition back into this part of "real life" all the more difficult, as people really don't know me, don't recognize me, and have little to say to me, except for the casual "Oh, is your sister back from college, too?"
I'm sorry, I'm rambling. It really was a good day, but for untraditional reasons. I didn't really find God at church today. I found him this morning after the thunderstorm that crashed into our house last night. I found him later, in that same house when I was alone and free to pray aloud with no one but the dog (and God, of course...ha) to hear. I found him in this Nada Surf song that I re-stumbled across this evening, reminding me of the true reasons embedded in the last half-year or so, what I've been learning all along. Like the Hornby story I read a few weeks ago, Jesus is where you find him, and perhaps where he finds you.
I've just begun the journey of processing all I have learned, and I feel that getting back into this church culture will be the most difficult. I was a jagged piece before all this happened, and I've become rougher still. I fear I may not fit in here again, and it's a fear that fuels and doesn't extinguish...whatever that means.